Laziness or a sense of lull?

Since I have been alive...or as far as I can remember... I've always been partially lazy. Not to say EVERY human being isn't lazy to an extent. However, as far as taking out the trash and "chores" that are run of the mill, I've been iffy about. Sometimes I will, but if there is a good football game on I'd just assume to tell em to go to hell. Perhaps its my perspective on these tasks and their priority in my day, days or life.

Then, though, this same sense of "not finishing the job" as I suppose would be a decent way to sum it up, is carried over into other aspects of my life.

First we'll start with real life. My entire life, without sounding boastful, I've been above average at most things I've ever given the time of day. Be it math, history, who can sweep better, and most importantly, sports. I've been playing them since I was four. I was always one of the best players, without having to put in overtimes worth of practice. I could just do the normal routine and be, still, better then most of my opponents and teammates. Genetics, perhaps, or I don't know what. Still, though, I hinder(ed) myself by not putting in that overtime, to be even better... I've always been satisfied with good enough. Which, that alone, disturbs me. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the plays and games that could have been different( for the better) if I had more dedication to "finishing the job."

Now, we'll talk about games and gaming. My very first real online game was: Age of Empires...the original ( and best.) A real-time strategy game set in the past, using difference civilizations. At the time it had a very large following of online players, and there were people who would rank the players, clans, etc. I was, perhaps at most 9-10. And I was beating people twice or three times my age at a 'strategy' game. I was at time in the Top 25 of these rankings for the game. Even so, I would not dedicate myself to learning more and getting better...I was ' good enough.' This is the first incident.... its continues now. Take WoW for example...I (always) played a Tank. Naturally, I was pretty decent as a tank, having people ask me for groups since I generally ran my own groups. This went also for PvP, where i excelled for the amount of time put in. And now, these people are using Microsoft Excel and these advanced strategies, dissecting the game down to the .000% (I think that is redundant.) While I maintained my 'good' level instead of putting in the time to become "Great."

Also, in a lot of these things I lose interest after I have found out I'm atleast decent at it. With the exception of sports, but I stick with those because of the competition and adrenaline, and contact.

So, what does it all boil down to? Are there steps I can take to cure this? Whats my lack of motivation? Perhaps I need a woman to inspire, to be the best I can be at all things...but women thats a lot of head aches :)

Perhaps I'll grow more, physically and mentally and cure this...until then...who konws.

Isn't it odd....

As I sit here after work at 7 am, Having read some of Deepsea's and Akalla's blogs, I stumble again upon a thought I've toiled with for many moments.

The concept is this: in certain ways, I can trust people with whom I have NEVER seen, more then I can my buddies I spend every day with. Putting aside thoughts of money and things of that sort, material items that are to be trusted, since that has never came up with my online friends. Mainly, my ideas, thoughts, certain aspects of my personality, and weaknesses.

Having had many talks with people over the internet over my 10+ years of online gaming, I find myself in someways closer to those people. Of course, most of them I do not still talk to. The plague of online gaming, I'm sure you all know. Games fail, groups disperse...You know it's Sad But True -(straight from Metallica.) Asking opinions, advice on women...or anything is so much easier to ask and accept from these folks who are neutral from those of whom they speak. They merely take what information has been given and process opinions and their thoughts. So in many ways you get a better perspective.

Having been around mainly males my entire life because of sports, since I was four I've played every sport offered me up until I graduated from High school, and because of having and older brother and, I guess because from being in ' the sticks', what most would call the south....call me a Redneck, hick, ya all know the cliches......cause of all this, I with hold all emotions except anger (which as yuns might know I very rarely show.) But with people from afar, I can and do talk about stuff with which I cannot talk to my buddies , family and people I know in real life. Cause, if I showed any sign of weakness amongst my buddies...all hell breaks loose and I would never hear the end of it.


So I guess thats what this may become or is or ain't...we'll see.

I got a good one brewing but perhaps tommorow....who knows.